


Intergalactic Lizard-Mashing Lesbians in Space - Here Come the (Wo)Men in Black

by Shirazkindofgirl



Category: Holby City, Men in Black (Movies)
Genre: Aliens, Berena Mashed Potato Ficathon, Crank the Cat, F/F, Kendal the Dog, Lizards, Zathras the Cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 11:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14568354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirazkindofgirl/pseuds/Shirazkindofgirl
Summary: One fateful night an unusual patient is brought in to AAU.  Nicky McKendrick meets Special Agents Bernie Wolfe and Serena Campbell. Nicky's life will never be the same again.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> The Holby / Men in Black crossover no-one asked for, but I wrote anyway. This fic is what happens when I'm dosed up on decongestant and an idea sticks in my head.
> 
> Zathras appears courtesy of Wonko and KL. Crank appears courtesy of Professor FlimFlam. Kendal is my dog, No animals were hurt during the writing of this fic - other than a lizard who was well and truly mashed!

‘The Earth Protection Squad was formed in England in the late 1960s after a plethora of mystery sightings led to the country’s first notable encounter with intergalactic extra-terrestrial beings in Holby, a small town in the Southwest of the country. Today, Holby is the international gateway to space travel with approximately 50 million visitors passing through last year. Aliens have integrated into Earth’s society, living and working alongside humans on a mainly peaceful basis. Although, sometimes disagreements do break out and it is The EPS’s mission to send representatives to negotiate with alien delegates, either here on Earth or on visiting spaceships. Senior Negotiators and Field Agents may be required to undertake space travel on very rare occasions.’

Nicky McKendrick closed the handbook softly. She felt a little nervous. She tapped her fingers against the cover of the book in her lap and looked up to see how many more stops before her train reached Holby. She was due to start her new position today and she did not want to be late. Joining the EPS had not been part of Nicky’s plan. Growing up she had wanted to become a doctor, the first person in her family to go to University and everything had been going well, until that fateful night.

The ED was full, AAU had been tasked with picking up the overspill from the multi-vehicle pileup on the motorway. Nicky thrived on the organised chaos of the department, she particularly liked working with the Clinical Lead, Sacha Levy. Nicky was happy that Sacha had chosen to mentor her, replacing Zavier Duval whose ego-driven approach to mentoring had proven to be a disaster from start to finish. It was with high spirits that Nicky had started her night shift. 

Beds had been cleared as quickly as possible and new patients brought through for assessment. One patient, an older gentleman looked to be having breathing difficulties. Nicky set about examining him. As she placed an oxygen mask over the man’s face to assist his breathing her fingers touched something in the hair behind the man’s ear. Nicky could hear a distinct thrumming sound, it seemed to be emanating from inside the man’s head, this wasn’t making any sense. Nicky pulled the oxygen mask free as the man’s head split apart and an opening appeared in his face. Nicky jumped back, something touched her ankle and she looked down to see a long-haired, furry cat looking up at her.

“Meow?” The cat jumped onto the bed and proceeded to peer inside the man’s head.

Stepping nearer, Nicky could see the mechanical workings of an android. Peering closer, she could see a small blue being sitting inside the head of what she had thought was a human patient. The blue alien looked up at her sadly. The cat meowed again.

The doors to AAU crashed open. Nicky looked up. Two women, one blonde, the other dark haired, strode towards her. Flashing ID badges, the taller woman rounded the bed and looked down at the patient. “The Osfrewtrells will not be happy about this.”

“The Prince?” The dark-haired woman asked.

“Yes.” The blonde confirmed.

“Sorry. Who are you?” Nicky spoke up.

Flashing their ID badges again, the dark-haired woman spoke. “I’m Agent Serena Campbell and this is Agent Bernie Wolfe. We’re with the EPS.” She moved closer to the bed. Crouching down, she addressed the alien, “Your Highness, is there anything we can do?”

The Prince took a shallow breath, “The One is hurt. Must find. Zathras must find. Help.” He closed his eyes and the lights inside the android went out.

The cat meowed sadly and nudged the Prince’s lifeless body.

The Agent identified as Bernie began to gather up the Prince’s belongs and hooked the oxygen mask back in its place against the wall. She reached down and dislodged the brake from the hospital bed. “We’ll take it from here.” She began to pull the bed forward and then moved around to the other end. The cat settled down and Bernie began to push the bed towards the doors of AAU.

“Wait. You can’t just take a patient like that. You don’t have the authority!” Nicky puffed herself up and moved forwards in a confrontational manner.

Serena sighed gently. Reaching into her suit jacket pocket, she pulled out what looked to be a pen-light. Donning a pair of dark glasses, she pointed the device towards Nicky. “Please look just here.” She clicked a switch and a red beam of light flashed outwards. Serena pulled the glasses off and put them and the device back into her pocket. “You did not see anything untoward here tonight. You will return to your other patients and resume your shift.” Serena turned swiftly on her heels and strode towards the exit. As she passed through the doors, she noticed Bernie further up the corridor engaged in a conversation with a tall, thin, dark-haired man. 

“Henrik. How are you?” Serena smiled at the tall gentleman.

“Sorry to be seeing you again in such tragic circumstances.” Henrik gestured towards the bed. “The Prince was a close friend of mine.”

Serena squeezed Henrik’s arm gently, “I’m sorry for your loss. There wasn’t anything we could do, I’m afraid. Your young doctor won’t remember anything of tonight’s events and I’d be grateful if you didn’t mention them to her.”

“Have you been flashing my staff again, Serena?” The corner of Henrik’s mouth quirked upwards and Serena raised an eyebrow in response.

“Whatever can you mean?”

Bernie gestured back down the corridor, “We need to leave. Now.” 

Serena turned to see Nicky had exited AAU and was jogging towards them. “We’ll leave you to deal with this Henrik. Apparently, your young doctor is immune to memory wipes.”  
Grabbing onto the bed alongside Bernie, they raced away down the corridor and around the corner.

The following day, Nicky was still feeling confused over everything she had seen the night before. Henrik Hanssen, the CEO of the hospital had tried to deflect Nicky’s questions. He had requested she attend a meeting with him in his office and he had told her he would explain everything to her then. Nicky shook her head, maybe it was just tiredness making her confused, perhaps she was hallucinating. Coffee, strong and hot, that’s what she needed.

The dark-haired woman strode purposely across to the lifts and jabbed the call button. Nicky was sure it was one of the women from last night. At that moment, Nicky’s coffee order was announced, smiling at the young barista in thanks, Nicky trotted over and slipped into the lift just as the doors closed. She looked at the panel of buttons, the fourth-floor button was already illuminated, the woman was going to the same floor. Sipping her coffee nervously, Nicky sneaked a look across at the other woman, she was staring straight ahead and looking as if she was operating the lift by sheer power of will alone. As the doors opened, Nicky slipped out ahead of the woman, she could hear the soft click of heels behind her. Forcing herself to keep moving and not to turn and gaze over her shoulder, Nicky looked around for Hanssen’s PA, although it was apparent from the empty desk that she was nowhere nearby. Sighing to herself, Nicky knocked on the door of the CEO’s office and waited. 

It felt as if long minutes passed before the door opened and Hanssen appeared in the doorway. Nicky was very much aware of the other woman’s presence behind her.

“Ah, Doctor McKendrick and Agent Campbell, come in.” Hanssen stood aside and gestured for the women to enter. He closed the door behind them with a soft click.

Rounding his desk, Hanssen sat down and invited the women to do the same. Serena seated herself and looked very much at ease. Nicky perched on the edge of her seat and waited for someone to say something. It appeared neither of the room’s other occupants were in any hurry to begin the conversation and Nicky’s nerves got the better of her.

“Last night …. I know what I saw, that thing wasn’t human.”

Serena turned towards Nicky, “He was an alien Prince, a specie known as Osfrewtrells.” She looked towards Hanssen, “A delegation will be arriving within the next six hours to take the Prince home. You are more than welcome to join us if you wish.”

Hanssen nodded. “I’d like that.”

“Wait … are you trying to tell me aliens exist?” Nicky grinned, “I think we need to call for a Psych consult.”

Serena sighed and then continued, “On any given day of the week, there are hundreds of thousands of aliens living and working among us. Some take on human form, other’s use shimmers to trick the mind’s eye, some use androids and a very limited number don’t wear a disguise. Those limited few work for us at the EPS in some capacity. Not all aliens live in harmony, there are battles going on far above our heads that most humans know nothing about. We like to keep it that way.” She paused, “You, Dr McKendrick, are one of the very few unfortunate people on whom memory wipes don’t work. I’ve been speaking to Henrik, normally, we would employ you to continue working here at the hospital, but we’ve just had a vacancy come up at HQ and we’d like to offer you a position as a trainee Agent.”

“Seriously?! First you tell me aliens exist and now you want me to come and work for you? Thanks, but no thanks.” Nicky stood and walked towards the door. She turned when Hanssen called her name.

A light shimmered around Hanssen and he appeared to glow from within. Then, for a few seconds a tall lizard-like creature stood in his place. The light shimmered again, and Hanssen was back behind his desk.

“You’re one of them?” Nicky felt as though her legs wouldn’t hold her wait, she staggered forwards and sat down in her recently vacated seat.

“Not an Osfrewtrells, obviously.” Hanssen replied.

“Henrik works for the EPS as our Human / Alien liaison here at the hospital. Last night wasn’t the first time we’ve had an alien brought in requiring treatment. We do like to get to them as fast as we can and take them to our own Trauma Centre. However, as you saw, we can’t always get here fast enough. What we are offering you Dr McKendrick is the chance to continue with your medical training, but with an additional facet. You will learn alien physiology and how to treat it. We need good doctors as well as good field agents.”

“So, the cat that came in with the Prince … is he an alien too?” Nicky asked.

“Zathras? No, he’s a cat and the Prince’s pet. I took him home with me last night. He showed his gratitude by taking a shit on my bathroom mat!” Serena glared at Hanssen when she heard him chuckle quietly.

“So, what do you say Dr McKendrick? Think of all the things you thought you knew today and think of what you will know is true tomorrow. I’ll expect your call within 24 hours.” Handing Nicky a business card, Serena stood, “I’ll see you at HQ Henrik.” With that she was gone.

Turning back towards Hanssen, Nicky twisted the business card over in her hands. “What do I do?” She asked.

“You take the rest of the day to think about it and give Serena your decision.” 

Nicky was pulled from her thoughts as the tannoy aboard the train crackled into life announcing the next stop would be Holby Central. Stepping down from the carriage and adjusting her new black suit jacket, Nicky realised life would never be the same again, her training with the EPS was about to begin.


	2. Chapter Two

From the outside, the EPS Headquarters looked like a run-down warehouse facility. However, nothing could be further from the truth when you stepped inside. The reception area was made from a shiny metallic-looking material and there were a bank of glass lifts rising high above Nicky’s head. She slowly spun around taking in the splendour surrounding her. 

The receptionist smiled, “You must be Dr McKendrick, please take a seat, I’ll let Agent Campbell know you are here.” She gestured towards a comfortable looking red sofa. Nicky sat down and tried not to look as nervous as she felt.

The lift doors opened, and Agent Wolfe stepped out. She approached Nicky, “Dr McKendrick, Agent Campbell has been delayed, if you’d like to follow me, I can show you to our offices.” She handed Nicky a Visitor’s Badge, “We’ll get you set up with your ID credentials later.”

Riding up to the 12th floor of the building, Nicky looked around anxiously. She was about to ask Bernie a question when the lift dinged to announce its arrival at their destination. The doors opened, the first thing Nicky noticed was the noise and general hubbub going on around then. She followed Bernie through a mass of beings, not all of whom appeared human. Trying to stay as close to Bernie as possible, she did not want to get lost during her very first hour in her new job, her eyes widened. Crossing the path in front of them were what could only be described as 3ft tall potato-like people walking upright on spindly legs, as if this wasn’t strange enough, the potato people were smoking.

Bernie called out to them, “Guys, you know you can’t smoke in here. The last thing we need is one of you setting off the smoke alarms and sprinklers again. Some of our visitors do not react well to water. If I must go outside for smoke breaks, you do too!”

“Ah, come outside with us, we can set you up with the best cigarettes you’ve ever had, Major!” A potato with dark eyes called back.

Hearing Serena laugh from above, Bernie looked up to the walkway which ran the length of the level and led to more offices, Serena gestured for them to join her.

“Dr McKendrick, welcome. I hope we didn’t keep you waiting for too long. Let’s introduce you to some of our staff and then we can discuss your training program.” Serena led Nicky towards one of the offices and knocked, without waiting for a response she opened the door and gestured for Nicky to enter. After Nicky stepped inside, Serena closed the door leaving Nicky alone with the room’s occupant.

A gentleman stood from behind a desk and moved forward to shake Nicky’s hand, he introduced himself as Ric Griffin and proceed to explain how Nicky’s training schedule would work. She would continue her medical training at the EPS state of the art trauma facility for part of the week. The other part of her training would be conducted by Serena and Bernie. Nicky would shadow them in their Senior Field Agent roles. Walking Nicky to the door, Ric shook her hand and showed her out. 

It didn’t appear as if Bernie or Serena had waited for Nicky to finish her meeting with Ric and she was unsure where to go. Looking over the walk way, she found Serena and Bernie standing next to a pair of eight-tenticled aliens. Taking a deep breath, Nicky walked down the stairs and joined the Senior Field Agents. Serena smiled in greeting, “Nicky, meet the twins Raf and Fletch, they operate the computer system and monitor movement of aliens we particularly like to keep a close eye on.” 

Nicky looked up to the bank of screens on the wall in front of the twins’ desks. Each screen contained images of what appeared to be humans going about their daily lives. One screen caught Nicky’s interest, “Ms Naylor” she breathed.

One of the twins, she thought it was the one named Fletch, turned towards her, “Jac Naylor.” His voice seemed to lovingly caress the words. He clicked buttons on his keyboard and the screen enlarged to show a bigger image of the person in question. 

“You’re not telling me she’s an alien?” Nicky looked at Serena for confirmation.

“Really? You couldn’t tell?!” Serena replied with a smirk.

Suddenly, red lights started flashing and the other twin spoke.

“Someone is attempting to violate their EPS Licence restriction.” Raf exclaimed. Using four of his tentacles, he typed furiously on his keyboard. Information appeared on the screens, together with a map of the greater Holby area and a blinking green circle which appeared to be moving along one of the major roads leading out of Holby. The words, ‘Unauthorised Departure’ materialised in large letters across the top of the screen.

“Jason!” Serena gasped.

“Why would Jason attempt to leave Holby? He knows his licence is restricted. Is Greta with him?” Bernie stepped closer to the screens and squinted up at them.

More clicking on the keyboards could be heard and then a visual picture appeared. 

“That’s my car! Jason took my car! What the hell is that boy playing at?”

“Serena, you and Bernie get after him and take junior with you.” Ric bellowed over the balcony.

Serena sprinted towards the lifts and jabbed the call button. She tapped her foot impatiently and barrelled forwards as soon as the doors were halfway open. Pushing the button for the basement, she didn’t appear to care whether Bernie and Nicky were safely inside before the doors started closing.

Muttering to herself the whole way down, Serena did not notice the furtive glances Bernie was throwing in her direction. “I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation for Jason’s behaviour.” Bernie spoke calmly.

“He’s trying to leave Holby with Greta, in my car.” Serena all but shouted, “What possible explanation could he have for that. He can’t even drive!”

The lift dinged, the doors opened on the basement floor. Grabbing the nearest set of keys off the hooks by the doors, Serena pressed the button and looked around to see which car lights flashed. She ran to the vehicle and opened the driver’s door. Bernie’s arm barred her way.

“Given the circumstances and your …. emotional state, I’ll drive.” Bernie’s tone was not to be messed with and Serena hesitated for only a second before handing over the vehicle keys. She raced around to the passenger side and realising that she was about to be left behind if she didn’t move quickly, Nicky opened the back door and climbed inside. By the time she had her seat belt fastened, Bernie had gunned the engine and was racing towards the exit. 

“Hold tight.” Bernie turned slightly to address Nicky.

The exit ramp was steep, Bernie accelerated the vehicle, at the very last second, with a roar from the engine, the wheels left the ground and the car took off. Bernie pressed a blue button and the car seemed to shimmer around them. The navigation system lit up and a voice could be heard from the console, “Invisibility Mode activated.” 

Inputting a series of co-ordinates, the autopilot took over. Bernie turned around in her seat and smiled at Nicky, “I assume you have some questions.”

Nicky nodded and opened her mouth. Nothing came out. She closed her mouth, took a deep breath and tried again. “This car is invisible, and it flies.”

“Yes. We have access to a wide range of alien technology.”

“Who are Jason and Greta. Why did he take your car? Also, are we invisible too or just the car, in which case, do we look like we’re flying through the air?” Nicky finally stopped talking when she realised she probably sounded like an idiot.

“Jason is my adopted son.” It was Serena who spoke this time. 

“But Raf said Jason was attempting an unauthorised departure. If he’s your son, why would he need an EPS registration? Unless …. Oh! He’s an alien. Are you an alien too?” Nicky really wished her mouth would stop talking.

“I’m as human as you are. I adopted Jason when he was a baby. He was the only survivor of a car crash which killed his parents. It was impossible to send him back to his home planet. Hyper jumps are unsuitable for babies, so here he stayed, living with me. Greta is his girlfriend, she’s human. They are expecting their first baby next week, which is why Jason’s actions make no sense whatsoever.”

Bernie stretched her arm over the centre console and grasped Serena’s hand. “We’re almost there. We’ll find out what he’s doing and sort things out, okay?” She smiled gently.

Serena squeezed Bernie’s hand and nodded, “Okay.”

Serena stared lovingly at Bernie for a few more seconds until their moment was interrupted by an oblivious Nicky speaking up from the back seat.

“Also, if Raf and Fletch are twins, why do they have different accents? And how is it that I can understand what they’re saying. Do they really speak English or what?”

Serena sighed and loosened her grip on Bernie’s hand.

“To answer your second question first, every alien is given a universal translator with their registration documents. It enables them to communicate with any specie in that specie’s language. You hear English, the twins will hear you in their language. Shortly after his arrival, Raf’s translator malfunctioned. Try as we might, we couldn’t stop it from speaking with a Scottish accent. Raf says he likes it, so we’ve not bothered issuing him with a replacement.”

They were saved from having to answer any further questions when the navigation system announced they were approaching their destination.

Taking control of the car again, Bernie brought it down to ground level and disengaged the invisibility mode. They were on a back road on the outskirts of the old Holby village. Serena recognised the area instantly. There was only one other car on the road. Bernie switched on their flashing lights, drew their vehicle along side and then slide to a halt blocking the other car’s path. Not about to be left behind, Nicky exited the vehicle with Bernie and Serena. Serena walked up to the driver’s side and gestured for Jason to step out.

“Jason. What’s going on? You know you are violating your alien registration, not to mention that you stole my car. Where’s Greta? Is she okay?” Serena reached a hand out to her son.

At that moment Bernie shouted for Serena. It appeared that Greta was in labour in the back seat of the car.

“Right.” Serena said, “Bernie, you and Dr McKendrick support Greta. I need to know what’s going on with Jason.” Bernie looked unhappy about the prospect but dutifully stepped up and smiled at Greta.

“What were you doing, Jason?” Serena needed to know what was going on.

“We need to leave Mum. The Earth isn’t safe anymore. There’s a Vodatorian transport leaving tonight. We need to be on it.” Jason looked at Serena imploringly.

“What do you mean, the Earth isn’t safe? If there was anything wrong, the EPS would know.”

Jason shook his head, “We have to leave.”

“Jason, what’s going on?”

“There’s a Launcerian coming. The worst imaginable.” Jason glanced worryingly towards the car when Greta yelled loudly.

“You’re doing really well, keep breathing and push when you need to.” Bernie’s voice drifted back to Serena and Jason.

“Do you know when this Launcerian will arrive and what he wants?” Serena asked.

“Tomorrow. That’s why we need to leave tonight.” Jason replied.

“There’s no way you can make an unauthorised space leap tonight Jason, especially not with a new born. That baby will be born shortly. There’s nothing else for it. You’ll have to come back with us.” Serena was adamant.

From the car, another loud scream could be heard and then a muffled cry. Jason raced back to Greta. Bernie climbed out of the back seat, “Congratulations, Jason!” She squeezed his shoulder.

Nicky was still in the car cooing over the new born when the baby promptly spewed up all over her. Getting out of the car, she turned towards Bernie and Serena, “I’ve helped birth babies and I’ve been vomited on, but never at the same time. Do all new born aliens look like squids?” She asked.

“That’s my grandchild you’re talking about.” Serena sounded snappish, but she winked to soften the blow.

Bernie grinned and said, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat Calamari again!”


	3. Chapter Three

Back at Headquarters, Jason, Greta and their baby were escorted through to the medical facilities. Jason would need to be interviewed again, but for now the little family could stay together.

Serena joined Bernie and a freshly showered Nicky, listening as Bernie asked Raf and Fletch why nothing had shown up regarding the Launcerian. They had no answers to give.

“Right,” said Serena, “time to hit the streets and see what our contacts have to say.”

Nicky looked at her watch, it was getting late.

Bernie turned to her, “We work on a 26-hour day here. You’ll get used to it after a week or so, or you’ll have a psychotic episode. Come on, time to get out there and introduce you to some of our contacts on the street.”

Back in the car and on the road once again, Serena turned to Bernie, “Shall we make Kendal our first stop? If anyone knows what’s going on, she will. Always has her nose to the ground that one!”

“Yes, if anyone has sniffed out a rumour, Kendal is our girl.” Bernie laughed in response.

“Am I missing something here?” Nicky asked.

“Kendal is one of our best contacts. She could be an EPS agent if she wanted to be, but she prefers her independence. You’ll understand when you meet her.” Serena replied.

Flicking the indicator switch, Serena turned the car into a parking area which led to a wide open green space. Looking around, she spotted her target and exited the vehicle, closely followed by Bernie and Nicky. 

Nicky wasn’t too sure what she was looking for, all she could see were dogs and their owners. It seemed as if Serena had brought them to a dog park. Nicky felt very confused.

Serena whistled and what appeared to be a small black shaggy dog raced up to her. Serena bent down and scratched the dog behind her long, fluffy ears, “How are you doing?” Serena asked.

“Hey Serena, I hope you brought the poop bags this time!” The dog giggled. “I’m doing okay. I’ve had a good run around today, played with my friends. I do have one complaint; can you get someone to cut the long grass here? The seeds keep getting stuck in my fur.” 

Nicky’s eye’s widened in shock, “What? How?” 

Kendal approached Nicky and sniffed her leg cautiously. “New recruit, Serena? She smells new.”

“Nicky McKendrick, newest recruit to the EPS, meet Kendal our best civilian contact on the ground.”

“Nice to meet you.” Kendal raised a paw and Nicky stooped to shake it gently. Happy with her reaction, Kendal trotted over to Bernie and nudged her nose against Bernie’s pocket, “what have you got for me today? It had better be those chicken bites again, I love those.”

Bernie shook her head and clamped her hand over her pocket as Kendal nudged her nose against it again. “You know the rules, no treats until we get the information we came for.”

Sighing heavily, Kendal sat primly and inspected her paw, “What do you want to know?”

“What do you know about a Launcerian coming to Earth?” Serena asked.

Kendal’s attention appeared to be on the dogs playing chase on the other side of the park. Serena coughed loudly, “Are you even listening?”

Kendal looked back at Serena, “I am. I’m listening.”

“Well, what do you know, Kendal? Whoever this Launcerian is, Jason was scared enough to attempt a space jump with Greta and their new-born. This is serious.” Serena’s voice held a note of desperation.

Tipping her head to one side, Kendal said, “Jason did what? Are they okay?”

“Yes, yes, they are all okay.” Serena stroked a hand down the dog’s back, “now, what do you know?”

“The Launcerian’s name is Gaskell. There is something here that he wants, and he will stop at nothing to get it.” Kendal sniffed Serena’s hand, “that furry beast you have staying with you? Keep him safe.” She sauntered back to Bernie and nudged her nose against Bernie’s pocket again. She sat and looked expectantly at Bernie.

“Okay, you earned them. Put the word out, if you or anyone else hear anything further, you can call M*A*S*H.” Bernie reached into her pocket and pulled out a handful of treats. She held her hand flat and Kendal ate the treats before bounding off across the park to join her friends again.

Walking back to the car, Nicky was itching to ask questions. She managed to hold off until they were on the road back to headquarters, “So, Kendal is a talking dog?”

“No, she’s a Canineium, they look like dogs and they can talk, obviously. They live quite happily with their human handlers here on Earth. The only issue they have living here is the atmospheric changes between Earth and their home planet. Gravity is stronger here and with no opposable thumbs, they can’t open jars and bottles. It’s a bit of a problem when they are quite partial to Earth’s beer and wine.” Bernie replied.

“And M*A*S*H, what’s that?” Nicky asked.

“M*A*S*H stands for Mobile Alien Species Helpline. Any problems or any information aliens want to share, they can call the helpline, and someone will be there to offer advice and support as necessary. Any other questions, Nicky?” Bernie answered whilst trying to stifle a yawn.

As they approached the underground parking garage, Bernie looked up at the sky, “Looks like there is a storm brewing.” She said as the garage doors swished closed behind them.

The three agents trudged up to the main communications area. “Give me everything we have on a Launcerian named Gaskell.” Serena looked expectantly at the twins who clicked furiously at their keyboards. Information whizzed across the large screens in front of them. 

“He served time in Launcer’s highest security prison for fraud. Freed on appeal and then skipped the star system. The Launcer authorities have been hunting him for the past six years.” Raf continued clicking at his keyboard.

“Gaskell has spent those six years on the run, plundering galaxies, assimilating cultures and cherry-picking the best bits. At one point he had shed his lizard-like skin in favour of an impressive set of wings, but the last sightings of him have him back in his lizard skin again.” Fletch continued.

Serena raised an eyebrow, “God alone knows what he could want from humanity, but as long as it’s not the planet’s entire supply of Shiraz we can deal with it.”

Outside the EPS Headquarters building, the sky continued to darken, rumbles of thunder could be heard in the distance, gradually becoming louder. Lightning flashed illuminating the ground beneath and the sky appeared to crack open. What appeared to be a flaming comet flew across the sky crashing into a field on the outskirts of Holby village.

Inside, all hell was breaking loose. Loud sirens had started clanging, red lights flashed brightly, and Ric Griffin emerged from his office. Leaning over the railings, he looked down to where his best agents stood.

“Well, it looks like the lizard has landed.” Serena sighed.

Back in the car again, this was becoming a habit today, Serena thought as they flew along the Holby countryside, what she wouldn’t give for a couple of calm shifts on the new arrivals immigration desk.

The silence in the car dragged out and Nicky shifted in her seat, “How did you become agents with the EPS?”

“I was a member of Her Majesty’s Armed Forces. I was serving in Afghanistan. During a routine manoeuvre, my team discovered a crashed spaceship. We helped to rescue the survivors. We were told the power supply was unstable, I knew there were injured crew inside, I had to go back in to rescue them, never leave a team member behind, you know?” Bernie paused, and Serena reached across to squeeze her arm, gently. “Just as I pulled the last crew member free, the ship exploded. I was don’t remember much after that. I was airlifted out and woke up on the flight back to the UK. I suffered an unstable C5/C6 fracture with a traumatised cervical disc and a right ventricular pseudoaneurysm. The Army medically discharged me, I was struggling with my recovery and finding a purpose in life. Then, Serena appeared in my hospital room. Hanssen had asked her to speak to me. He thought I’d make a good addition to the EPS. Serena put forward a compelling case and I didn’t need to think twice before I accepted her offer. We’ve been partners ever since.”

“Wow!” Nicky said, “What about you Serena? How did you become an EPS agent?”

“I’ve been an agent for years.” Serena said, “I was a student at Medical School. I wanted to be a Vascular Surgeon. If anyone had told me aliens existed, I wouldn’t have believed them. Then, one fateful night, I was on my way to meet a date at a party. I got lost on one of the back roads of Holby, not far from where we found Jason earlier. The EPS was a much smaller organisation in those days and I stumbled across a meeting taking place in a field between a delegation from the Saflbwak Confederation and EPS Agents, one of whom was Ric Griffin. I’m like you, Nicky, memory wipes don’t work on me either. The EPS medical facilities weren’t quite so advanced in those days and I gave up my dreams of becoming a doctor and became a field agent instead.” Turning the car off the road and along a dirt track, Serena stopped the car, “Right, this seems to be the landing site. Let’s see what we can find.”

Moving around to the back of their vehicle, Serena pressed the locking release mechanism and the door to the cargo space popped open, the floor slid back revealing an array of weapons stored underneath. Bernie reached in and grabbed the largest, shiniest laser gun Nicky had ever seen. It resembled something out of a sci-fi blockbuster movie. Serena tutted quietly and picked up something a little smaller. She passed a tiny weapon to Nicky. 

“We’ll get you trained on weapons handling when we have the time. For now, you can use this, it’s a taser. You won’t do any lasting damage with it, just try not to point it at one of us, okay?” Serena said with a smile.

Nicky nodded.

Closing the weapons storage unit and powering up their guns, Serena and Bernie rounded the edge of the car and cautiously approached the smouldering remains of the crashed ship. Nicky stayed back, but even from where she stood, it was hard to believe anything, human or otherwise, would have survived the impact. Scanning the wreckage, it quickly became obvious that there were no signs of life. Powering down her laser gun, Bernie reached into her pocket and pulled out a square metal box, she pointed the device at the debris and clicked a few buttons. A series of beeps emitted from the box and then she nodded her head sharply. 

“Definitely signs of a Launcerian.” Bernie turned around slowly and pointed the device in front of her, “tracks appear to lead back towards the main road. If we’re lucky, we should be able to follow his trail.” 

At that moment, Serena’s earpiece squawked into life, “Agent Campbell? We’ve detected a break-in at your home address.”


	4. Chapter Four

The car screeched to a halt outside of a detached Victorian style house in one of the nicer parts of Holby. Serena looked up at the dark windows, the house appeared to be empty. She regarded the quiet street, all was still, nothing out of the ordinary, even the leaves on the trees were motionless.

“Pass me your keys, I’ll take the front door, you and Nicky go around the back. Don’t take any risks if you find Gaskell. We’ll assess the situation. If we need to call for back up, we will.” Bernie looked at Serena emphatically.

“Okay.” Serena replied, “Don’t you take any risks either.” She handed her keys to Bernie and opened the door of the car.

Closing the car doors with soft clicks, the trio moved silently towards the house. Bernie waited for Serena and Nicky to go around the side of the property, just before she disappeared down the path, Serena indicated that she would radio to Bernie as soon as she and Nicky were in position.

Bernie took a deep breath and approached the bright purple door. She gave the door a little push and it opened a few centimetres. A burst of static in her ear let her know that Serena and Nicky were in position at the back of the house. “Going in now.” She whispered.

Stepping through the small gap she had made for herself, Bernie raised her weapon in a defensive posture. She crept forwards, keeping the wall at her back. Movement to her left caught her eye, a lizard-like creature stepped menacingly into the hallway. He was holding Zathras. Bernie raised her weapon, “Gaskell, I presume? Put the cat down and back away. No-one needs to get hurt.”

The lizard hissed and took a step towards the door. His long, forked tongue flicked dangerously in Bernie’s direction. Taking Gaskell’s momentary distraction as their cue, Serena and Nicky moved into the hall, weapons raised and pointed at the lizard.

“Put the cat down, or we’ll shoot.” Serena narrowed her eyes and stared at Gaskell.

The lizard hissed again and took another step towards the door. Whatever Serena said, it was too risky to take a shot in the confines of the hallway. They might hit Zathras. Whatever Gaskell wanted, it had something to do with the cat, something neither Serena nor Bernie had noticed. The lizard backed towards the door, his tongue continued to flick ominously at the agents. Finally, Gaskell had reached the door and looked sure to escape. He stepped backwards and suddenly a black shadow darted between his legs, tipping him off balance. With a loud hiss, the lizard fell backwards. Zathras, seeing this as his chance for freedom, bit down into the skin of Gaskell’s wrist and jumped away, running further into the house and hiding behind Serena and Nicky.

Within seconds, Gaskell had gathered himself up and scuttled away down the street. Leaping off the step, Bernie raced down the path and raised her weapon, taking aim she fired a single laser shot. A red scorch mark appeared on the lizard and he hissed painfully. Smiling to herself, Bernie was sure, it roughly translated to “My aaaaaaarrrrssseeee!”

Turning back to the house, Bernie noticed the hero of the moment sitting comfortably on the doorstep. A large black cat, with a tiny dab of white on his tail. Bernie looked up as Serena stepped forwards, Zathras purred contentedly in her arms. Serena smiled down at the black cat, “Crank! This is one occasion where I won’t be telling you off.” At Bernie’s confused look, Serena continued, “he’s next door’s cat. He has a nasty habit of killing birds, seems like he fancied a bit of lizard this time!”

As Serena turned to go back inside the house, the streetlight sparkled off the collar around Zathras’s neck. Bernie reached forwards, her fingers delicately tracing the small globe attached to the collar. “I wonder if this is what Gaskell wanted. I don’t see why he would come all this way just for a cat.” Serena held Zathras still and Bernie undid the collar from the cat’s neck. She waited for Serena to go back inside before stepping through the door and closing it firmly behind them.

Serena put Zathras down on the floor and the three agents walked towards the kitchen. Serena switched on lights as she went.

Bernie held the globe up to the light and watched as numerous colours seemed to twist and twirl within the confines of the sphere. “We need to get this back to HQ.” She said.

Sitting back in the car for another journey to Headquarters, Nicky closed her eyes for a moment. As first days on a new job went, this was something else. She wasn’t aware that she had fallen asleep, but the nudge to her arm and the coffee cup being wafted under her nose, roused Nicky from her slumber. She could feel her cheeks heating up, “I wasn’t asleep.” She said quietly. Bernie winked at her as she handed over the coffee. They rode silently in the lift. Each feeling weary but knowing there was still much work to do before they could go home.

The lift juddered to a halt and the agents stepped out. This was a floor Nicky had not seen before. “We’re taking the globe to our best lab technician. If it’s what I think it is, we need to contact the Osfrewtrells, they will want this back A.S.A.P.” Bernie said.

“What do you think it is?” Nicky asked as she sipped her coffee.

The doors to the lab swished open and a black-haired woman wearing black clothes and heavy eye make up looked up. She rounded her desk and held out her hand, “Frieda Petrenko, Senior Lab Technician, pleased to meet you Dr McKendrick.” At Nicky’s surprised look, Frieda laughed, “It’s only your first day and you’ve encountered a Launcerian, that makes you famous around here.” She turned to Bernie and Serena, “Now, what do you have for me?”

Bernie held up the spherical orb and passed it to Frieda, who placed it on her desk and directed her lamp’s beam onto the object. She looked at it closely. “Wow!”

The lab doors swished open and a small, black fluffy dog wearing a lab coat trotted inside. Serena crouched down, “Kendal, what are you doing here?”

“I heard about the trouble you had with Gaskell. I wanted to check you and Bernie were okay.” She raised her chin and Serena stroked the top of her head.

“We’re okay. Next door’s cat saved the day, would you believe it?”

Kendal grunted and chose to make no further comment.

Frieda looked up from her examination of the globe, “It’s the Galaxy of Miroobia.” She stated firmly.

“You’re positive?” Bernie asked.

“Absolutely.”

“How can it be a galaxy? Look at the size of that thing?” Nicky stepped closer to have a better look, “Galaxy’s are hundreds and millions of stars and planets. How does it fit in there?”

By Nicky’s feet, Kendal tutted, “You Humans. When are you going to learn that size doesn’t matter? Just because something is important, doesn’t mean it can’t be very, very small.”

“We need to contact the …….”

From outside the lab the claxons rang again, and the red lights flashed for the third time that day.

“What now?” Serena shouted as she sprinted outside and down the walkway, closely followed by Nicky and Kendal. Bernie grabbed the globe back from Frieda, yelled her thanks and dashed out of the door.

From the walkway, laser fire could be heard from the level below. It looked as if Headquarters was under attack. Crouching down Serena surveyed the carnage around them. There, in the distance, she could make out the shadowy form of Gaskell. 

Removing her guns from her holster, Bernie turned to Nicky and Kendal, “Get back in to the Lab with Frieda, tell her to initiate lock down procedures. And stay there until we tell you to come out.” She waited for Serena to fire up her laser gun and then both agents proceeded to move as stealthily as possible down to the next level.

Spying their target and realising that he had Ric, Raf, Fletch and the other members of their team pinned down and unable to move, Serena and Bernie decided there was only one way to deal with Gaskell. One of them would have to distract him, whilst the other tried to rescue their team. It was too risky to fire shots with so many possible casualties in such close proximity.

“You get the team out, I’ll distract Gaskell.” Bernie said. She checked her weapon was fully charged and moved forwards.

Serena’s hand on her shoulder held her in place, “Why do you get to be the distraction? I’m quite capable of taking on a Launcerian.”

“I might have the edge in that department, I was in the Army, you know.” Bernie inched forwards again.

“Oh, Big Macho Army Major are you?” Serena’s hand gripped Bernie’s shoulder firmly.

Bernie signed, “Serena, we don’t have time for this. Rescue the hostages, I’ll distract Gaskell. I have what he wants.” She held up the Galaxy of Miroobia and dashed off across the floor.

Satisfied that Serena was out of Gaskell’s line of sight and gun range, Bernie stepped forwards into view. She held her gun tightly in one hand and raised the other, letting the Galaxy dangle between her fingers. “Hey Lizardman, I have what you want. Come and get it.”

Gaskell turned and hissed angrily. He strode forwards, his scaly skin shining under the red lights illuminating the communications area.

He stopped inches away from Bernie and snatched the Galaxy from her hand. Holding it up, he raised his head, opened his mouth and dropped the orb onto his tongue. Bernie raised her gun and Gaskell seized it swiftly, it went the same way as the orb and the lizard choked it down quickly.

“Damn!” Bernie muttered, “that did not go how I planned.”

She stepped forwards until she was toe to claw with the lizard, “You’re a plague on humanity. The EPS will take you down. Eat me, you cold-blooded abomination.” Bernie shouted.

The lizard seemed to double in size right in front of Bernie’s eyes, he leaned forwards, opened his mouth and swallowed the agent down whole.

From across the room, Serena screamed.

Gaskell rounded on her as Serena launched herself at him, he swiped her with his massive tail and sent her spinning across the floor where she landed hard against the remains of the communications desk. Her gun skittered off in the opposite direction.

Turning towards the smoking remains of the electronic doors, Gaskell attempted to make his escape.

Suddenly, there was a loud clicking sound and an explosion emanated from inside the lizard. Blood and guts blasted outwards, the Launcerian split in half and Bernie slithered her way out of the remains of the deceased lizard. 

Picking up the Galaxy of Miroobia, Bernie crawled over to Serena and leaned back against the remains of Raf and Fletch’s desks. She smiled at her partner. “I told you I might have an edge, didn’t I?” She flicked a globule of lizard guts from her hair.

“What did you think you were doing, Bernie?” Serena lazily turned her head towards her fellow agent.

“I had to get the Universe and my gun back. It’s my favourite gun!” 

Behind them, the top half of an angry lizard raised himself up and prepared to strike.

Picking up Serena’s discarded gun, Frieda aimed at the back of Gaskell’s head and fired a single shot. The lizard’s head blew apart, showering her fellow agents with more guts and gore. “Interesting jobs you Field Agents have. I’ll be in my Lab if anyone needs me.” With that, she handed the gun back to Serena and sauntered off.

With everything safely back to what passed for normal at the EPS and a major clean up operation under way, Serena drove Bernie home. 

Pulling up outside Bernie’s apartment complex, Serena switched the engine off and turned in her seat to face the woman she cared about most in this world and after today’s close call, Serena knew she had to tell Bernie how she felt. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t survived. Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

Serena slowly leaned in to kiss Bernie. Bernie’s eyes widened, and she backed away, Serena looked horrified, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you. This doesn’t have to change our friendship.” She turned away, waiting to hear the sound of the car door slamming shut as Bernie made her escape. Instead, she felt Bernie’s cool fingers against her cheek and turned to look into the brown eyes of her partner.

“No Serena, you misunderstood. I didn’t back away because I don’t feel the same way, I do. I love you too. I just didn’t want to cover you in lizard guts.”

Serena pulled Bernie close and kissed her, “Sod the lizard guts. Tell me again that you love me.”

“I love you Serena. Now, let’s get inside and get cleaned up, shall we?”

Stepping out of the car, Serena slipped her arm around Bernie’s waist. For tonight, the world and the universes beyond would have to survive without them.


End file.
